by Jennifer Holdich
Most of the time we think of crimes as bad things that deserve to be punished, but there are two sides to every tale and villains are the heroes of their own stories. As one of the advance copy reviewers, Kimberly G, said of my novel, Julie Tudor Is Not A Psychopath,
“Julie tells the story with such conviction that you start to question your own judgment.”
Sometimes, in the real world, it can be harder to see it from the perpetrator’s point of view, but no-one commits a crime without a reason, be that love of a person, love of an object, vigilantism, revenge, or even as a matter of professional pride.
Here are five felons that you may or may not be able to get behind, but they’re not without merit and I’ve scored them for their justifiability, their execution and the overall outcome.
The Buttafuoco Affair
Seventeen year old Amy Fisher had an illicit romance with an older, married man, Joey Buttafuoco, and went on to carry out a classic crime of passion. When she realised Joey’s wife, Mary Jo, didn’t know when it was time to stand back and make way for The Other Woman, Amy took matters into her own hands and shot her. She damaged Mary Jo’s hearing and left her face partially paralysed.
Amy certainly went about the psycho side of it in the right way and I’ll give her some leeway because of her age. It’s fair to think there was an element of manipulation in the relationship, and we all know – and may have experienced – the adage that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Furthermore, this was in the 1990s and Amy didn’t have access to social medial: cyber stalking and bullying were a pleasure denied.
But the execution and outcome left a lot to be desired. Amy didn’t achieve what she set out to do. Mary Jo survived, she had successful surgery to restore her hearing and mobility to her face, and is now an author and motivational speaker. It was some years before she and Joey divorced.
Meanwhile, Amy served seven years in prison, and Joey four months for statutory rape.
On balance, a classic crime, poorly executed.
Justifiability – 5/10
Execution – 2/10
Outcome – 4/10
Joby Pool
This might not be a name that instantly rings a bell and it’s his deed, not his name, that will be remembered.
In February 2023, in the West Midlands, in England, he stole a trailer containing 200 000 Cadbury’s Crème Eggs, a theft that is not only justifiable, but aspirational.
However, the execution was shockingly poor. He was caught before he even got it home, and I’ve been unable to find evidence that as much as a single egg was eaten. This incompetence is made worse by the knowledge that he’d been plotting it since at least the previous October, when he stole a tractor for the job. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail, or in his case, prepare and fail anyway.
Joby was jailed for 18 months, which seems harsh, but, he did do it shortly before Easter, which could have spoilt the festival for 200 000 people, and for which, I’ve marked him down slightly.
Overall, a brilliant idea, but the ineptitude was unforgiveable.
Justifiability – 9.5/10
Execution 1/10
Outcome – 1/10
Hatton Garden
The Hatton Garden heist, in which £14M was stolen from an underground safe deposit facility, took place in London over the Easter weekend of 2015, and was a last hurrah for a group of elderly thieves.
The culprits were all career criminals, with decades of relevant experience and they planned it with the proficiency of experts. They were thorough, competent and so down to earth, one of them even caught a bus to the job.
The robbery initially went more or less according to plan, with a few hiccups smoothed over with the skill of professionals. They escaped with the loot, and the crime went undiscovered until employees arrived back after the weekend.
But within a month, it had all unravelled. And it unravelled because they’d looked backwards and learned from their previous jobs, but had failed to look forwards and keep up with technology. They disabled the alarm and cameras in the bank, but didn’t realise there was CCTV in the streets all around. They used their own cars and they used their own phones, which seem like beginners mistakes to us, but they were of a generation, where ingenuity, effort and team work were enough to succeed.
The Hatton Garden heist scores highly for skill, style and size of the haul. I suspect there is a significant proportion of the population who stand in awe, and envy. It was an ambitious and audacious finale to seven outstanding careers that should have allowed them to retire in comfort. It should also be noted that of the £14M taken, only £4.3M has been recovered, and I take my hat off to them for that.
Yet, it can’t be considered a real success unless the thieves get away with it and in this respect, they fell down heavily: they all went to prison. They may have felt that the monetary value was worth the risk of a few years inside, but when it comes to scoring, I can’t forgive that.
Justifiability – 8/10
Execution – 6/10
Outcome – 4/10
Giulia Tofana
Giulia Tofana has been described a number of times as a “professional poisoner.” I had no idea that was a job and the revelation has made me wonder if I wasn’t badly let down by the school careers officer.
Giulia was a killer with a moral compass, in seventeenth century Italy, she sold a potion, known as Aqua Tofana, to women in abusive marriages, who had no other way out of that situation. Her potion could kill in six to eight drops, but it was best to space the doses out over a few days, so that it could feasibly be passed off as the progression of an illness.
In this way she took the part of a seventeenth century domestic abuse charity, and she established a very successful business for herself. Which goes to show how badly it was needed.
Where it falls down on the justifiable side is in her quality control. It is thought she was responsible for more than 600 deaths but was everyone she killed an abuser? There has been no record kept of any vetting process for her clients. She could well have been selling to cold blooded serial killers or fortune hunters.
However, her method was good, she succeeded for years and was only caught because one single customer lost her nerve at the last minute and gave the game away. Giulia was ultimately arrested and executed, but she had a good innings.
Giulia loses points for the potentially indiscriminate nature of her poisonings, but scores well for the execution, it was only one weak link, out of hundreds, that let her down.
Justifiability – 7/10
Execution – 9.5/10
Outcome 6/10
Lorena Bobbitt
Lorena Bobbitt memorably found fame back in 1993, when she cut off her husband’s penis. Her action was a spur of the moment response to a rape and it’s hard to fault it. Who wouldn’t feel like that?
She did let the side down a bit when she stopped to call 911 and confessed all, however, this may ultimately be how she got away without a prison sentence. She told them where to find the severed item, it was recovered and reattached, and I’m not sure if it’s to John Bobbitt’s credit or to his shame that he went on to star in a couple of porn films.
In the immediate aftermath, the issue of domestic violence was brought to the fore and years later, Lorena founded an organisation whose aim was to prevent domestic violence. The name Bobbitt came into common usage as a word.
John meanwhile, became a slave to the medical bills, before going on to accrue charges for violence against women.
Justifiability – 9.5/10
Execution – 9.5/10
Outcome 10/10
Lorena wins in every way.
There is often more to a crime than first meets the eye. When you see it from the perpetrator’s point of view, or if you look at it in a more aesthetic way, they can almost be works of art. But as Julie Tudor knows, to justify it completely, you have to be a real psychopath.
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